This past Friday the 25th I turned 34. Now to most this doesn't really mean anything except, your a year older. For me, it was a breakthrough moment. I was finally coming out of my "Jesus" year. I say that because, think about what Jesus went through for us, how old was He? He was 33 years old. So needless to say when I was 32 I was not looking forward to 33 because I wasn't ready to go through something that could possibly knock me down or out. Life isn't always kind but if we aren't in the right mindset or have the right attitude we will often miss what we are meant to learn.
My 33rd year was definitely my roughest year. Many changes, many losses, much crying, much anger, depression, loneliness, and my list can go on....but I think you get the idea. In going through all of this there were times I didn't understand why I was even in the trial. I was doing everything I knew to do, I was praying, I was faithful to church, gave of myself when needed, gave of my resources even when it was a sacrifice to me and my family, encouraging others when I wasn't encouraged for myself. Hypocritical, you think to yourself? Well, maybe, but encouraging others is what I know to do because God has given me the gift to do so, so just because I'm not feeling it doesn't mean I can't bless someone else.
My Pastor preached last Wednesday night on the book of Phillippians. The main theme of the book is best said in Phil 4:4-7: "Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto all mean. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing: but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
We are to rejoice in all things, good and bad. Good and bad. Most rejoice in good and whine and cry in the bad and wonder why..I've done it...so have you. After listening to my Pastor speak on these things, it hit me, change how I see things, change how I see suffering.
Phillippians is a book about Christ in our life, in our mind, as our goal, as our strength, and joy through suffering. It also teaches that there is much to gain if we are willing to lose/sacrifice. Its when we are low and broken that God can fill us with Him, fill us with things that is good for us. Broken...that word has been a word that was my normal state of mind when I was 33. I wasn't always willing to rejoice. In fact, I was angry. I was many things, but not rejoicing. When it was time for altar call, I went up...but I often didn't feel any release or comfort like I should have. I didn't let anything go. I looked around at others and saw the breakthrough they were having. In my heart, I wanted to be like them and have that same breakthrough. I wanted so bad for God to come and fix everything, to tell me that it was a mistake and it wasn't me that had to go through these things. I didn't happen. In fact, I felt more alone. More broken. I remember many a night as I was laying down, with eyes wide open, and often filled with tears, I'd find myself screaming in my mind. Screaming WHY??? Screaming JESUS!!!! Then I'd cry myself to sleep or I would be restless and sleep was no where to be found. This of course affected me in other areas of my life. It affected my children. I was cranky. I was short tempered. My kids didn't need a mama that was too tired, angry, unhappy...and this list could go on as well. They needed to see me with a better attitude. They needed to see me praying. They needed to hear me worship and praise God for who HE is and how good He is. They needed to see me in a trial and how to handle a trial...they needed to see me REJOICING in my suffering. Life isn't always magical and wonderful and butterflies and rainbows. Nevertheless, rejoice, in all things. All things work together for good to those that love the Lord. Be encouraged that God is always with you and He will never leave nor forsake us.
We may not always feel Him, but He is there. Its in the quiet and lonely times we need to press forward and continue in Praise and Worship, whether we feel it or not. We need to REJOICE in Jesus. He is what makes us able to do all things. I know its easy to pity yourself and to mope about...but don't stay there too long...again, be encouraged and REJOICE. The Lord knows where we are.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Blogs. A place to say anything and everything. I guess we can look at it as a public diary for all to see. I have seen many and read many blogs and have always wanted to do one for myself. I have never been one to give into peer pressure but I guess giving into blogging is different right? Maybe?
So since this is my first blog, I will dedicate this to the Lord. We are to give Him our first fruits and well first blog, first fruits...same thing.
Colossians 3:17
And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.
I'm thankful today for many things. God has been so good to me. I have to testify. In the last couple of weeks, God has opened my understanding and has allowed me to see things differently, more from His point of view rather than my own. We have heard, at one point in our lives, to give God all the control and to let Him be. I didn't quite understand how to let go, until, a couple of weeks ago. What happened a couple of weeks ago, you ask? Good question. MS District Ladies Conference 2012 "NOW" happened. The speakers were Sis Jelaine Lumpkin and Sis Mickey Mangun. There was a split session and we got to hear Sis Dillion, a prayer warrior that isn't afraid to shout and run the altars and give God praise and worship.
What took place during this conference was life changing for me. To put it in simple terms it was like going to a retreat for my soul and mind. Now what makes this a little more amazing is I wasn't planning on going. Why? Because my husband was working out of state and I didn't have anyone to keep my kids and honestly for a conference like this you really should try to be kid free so that you can get all that you can for yourself. So to go back a bit, I didn't plan on going. Then, God happened. He impressed on a friends' heart to keep my kids for me. I tear up thinking about it because it can be overwhelming to know how good God is to me. I can see Him in the details. I will also take this time to give my friend kudos: THANKS JOSH REID for blessing me so that I could go to Ladies Conference this year. Also here is a plug in to his blog: http://smokeeater1982.wordpress.com/ I encourage you to visit his blog and comment.
The theme for the conference was "NOW." Don't wait until later, do it NOW. Have NOW faith, live for God NOW, give that bible study NOW, pray NOW...and this list can go on. Sis Dillion said something in the split session that will stay with me forever: 1) Know who you are, 2) Speak what you are, and 3) Know who you serve. Now, you are probably thinking why this was so profound to me because this is all basic stuff we all know right? Well, yes, I do know this stuff but at the point in my life that I was in it was hard to see even the simple things that I ought to know.
So now to share what I was going through. In no way, shape or form, do I take this part lightly. What I am about to share is something that was very difficult for me, for many reasons. One of the most important relationship I had with someone was crumbling. I was broken, broken-hearted, lonely, angry for the wrong reasons, slowly getting emotionally numb to others and to myself, and my prayer life was lacking. Now I'm sure I left out a few other emotions and whatnots but hopefully you get the point. The relationship that was crumbling was with my best friend that God gave to me, it was with my husband.
In this day and age, divorces are the "in" thing to do when trouble arises between a married couple. Now, you can throw in the towel and walk away as if it was just a bad decision you made. In spite of how I was "feeling" throwing in the towel wasn't an option for me. The thought would cross my mind but it would quickly vanish as quick as it came. My husband and I both came from broken homes. So we both knew that divorce was not something we wanted. When you get married, you make a promise not only between you and your spouse but to God. A vow for better or worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love honour and cherish till death do us part. I heard someone once say this about marriage, "Some marriages are worse, poorer, and in sickness. But you can't throw your relationship away, you promised."
I said all that to say this, (gotta love cliches), even though my husband and I were not going through the best of times, we are still together. We are working through it together. We still love each other. We still get angry with each other. God keeps us. Its up to us to keep God. No marriage is perfect, but it is possible to become perfect through Christ. He sustains us, in everything. Its how we choose to handle/deal with it that can be challenging. In the midst of my pain and brokenness, there was hope for things to be better. How do I know? Well, if I didn't want my husband or care about my promise I made before God, why was I crying about it? Why was I hurt? Why did I cry from deep within for help? Its because deep down, I wanted better, richer, and in health. I wanted God, I didn't want "me" to get in the way. I can't control my husband, but I can submit myself and ask for myself to change. Marriage is not only a commitment to love and have fun, its submission to another person, you become one flesh. Its no longer about "you" or "me" its about "us".
I started this particular blog post last year. I'm only now finishing it and posting this. I don't exactly remember what I was going to finish this off with but I have decided to start blogging. So, hopefully, I can be a blessing to someone. :)
Until next time, be a blessing to someone.
So since this is my first blog, I will dedicate this to the Lord. We are to give Him our first fruits and well first blog, first fruits...same thing.
Colossians 3:17
And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.
I'm thankful today for many things. God has been so good to me. I have to testify. In the last couple of weeks, God has opened my understanding and has allowed me to see things differently, more from His point of view rather than my own. We have heard, at one point in our lives, to give God all the control and to let Him be. I didn't quite understand how to let go, until, a couple of weeks ago. What happened a couple of weeks ago, you ask? Good question. MS District Ladies Conference 2012 "NOW" happened. The speakers were Sis Jelaine Lumpkin and Sis Mickey Mangun. There was a split session and we got to hear Sis Dillion, a prayer warrior that isn't afraid to shout and run the altars and give God praise and worship.
What took place during this conference was life changing for me. To put it in simple terms it was like going to a retreat for my soul and mind. Now what makes this a little more amazing is I wasn't planning on going. Why? Because my husband was working out of state and I didn't have anyone to keep my kids and honestly for a conference like this you really should try to be kid free so that you can get all that you can for yourself. So to go back a bit, I didn't plan on going. Then, God happened. He impressed on a friends' heart to keep my kids for me. I tear up thinking about it because it can be overwhelming to know how good God is to me. I can see Him in the details. I will also take this time to give my friend kudos: THANKS JOSH REID for blessing me so that I could go to Ladies Conference this year. Also here is a plug in to his blog: http://smokeeater1982.wordpress.com/ I encourage you to visit his blog and comment.
The theme for the conference was "NOW." Don't wait until later, do it NOW. Have NOW faith, live for God NOW, give that bible study NOW, pray NOW...and this list can go on. Sis Dillion said something in the split session that will stay with me forever: 1) Know who you are, 2) Speak what you are, and 3) Know who you serve. Now, you are probably thinking why this was so profound to me because this is all basic stuff we all know right? Well, yes, I do know this stuff but at the point in my life that I was in it was hard to see even the simple things that I ought to know.
So now to share what I was going through. In no way, shape or form, do I take this part lightly. What I am about to share is something that was very difficult for me, for many reasons. One of the most important relationship I had with someone was crumbling. I was broken, broken-hearted, lonely, angry for the wrong reasons, slowly getting emotionally numb to others and to myself, and my prayer life was lacking. Now I'm sure I left out a few other emotions and whatnots but hopefully you get the point. The relationship that was crumbling was with my best friend that God gave to me, it was with my husband.
In this day and age, divorces are the "in" thing to do when trouble arises between a married couple. Now, you can throw in the towel and walk away as if it was just a bad decision you made. In spite of how I was "feeling" throwing in the towel wasn't an option for me. The thought would cross my mind but it would quickly vanish as quick as it came. My husband and I both came from broken homes. So we both knew that divorce was not something we wanted. When you get married, you make a promise not only between you and your spouse but to God. A vow for better or worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love honour and cherish till death do us part. I heard someone once say this about marriage, "Some marriages are worse, poorer, and in sickness. But you can't throw your relationship away, you promised."
I said all that to say this, (gotta love cliches), even though my husband and I were not going through the best of times, we are still together. We are working through it together. We still love each other. We still get angry with each other. God keeps us. Its up to us to keep God. No marriage is perfect, but it is possible to become perfect through Christ. He sustains us, in everything. Its how we choose to handle/deal with it that can be challenging. In the midst of my pain and brokenness, there was hope for things to be better. How do I know? Well, if I didn't want my husband or care about my promise I made before God, why was I crying about it? Why was I hurt? Why did I cry from deep within for help? Its because deep down, I wanted better, richer, and in health. I wanted God, I didn't want "me" to get in the way. I can't control my husband, but I can submit myself and ask for myself to change. Marriage is not only a commitment to love and have fun, its submission to another person, you become one flesh. Its no longer about "you" or "me" its about "us".
I started this particular blog post last year. I'm only now finishing it and posting this. I don't exactly remember what I was going to finish this off with but I have decided to start blogging. So, hopefully, I can be a blessing to someone. :)
Until next time, be a blessing to someone.
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