Blogs. A place to say anything and everything.  I guess we can look at it as a public diary for all to see. I have seen many and read many blogs and have always wanted to do one for myself.  I have never been one to give into peer pressure but I guess giving into blogging is different right? Maybe?

So since this is my first blog, I will dedicate this to the Lord.  We are to give Him our first fruits and well first blog, first fruits...same thing.

Colossians 3:17
And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.

I'm thankful today for many things.  God has been so good to me.  I have to testify.  In the last couple of weeks, God has opened my understanding and has allowed me to see things differently, more from His point of view rather than my own.  We have heard, at one point in our lives, to give God all the control and to let Him be.  I didn't quite understand how to let go, until, a couple of weeks ago.  What happened a couple of weeks ago, you ask?  Good question.  MS District Ladies Conference 2012 "NOW" happened.  The speakers were Sis Jelaine Lumpkin and Sis Mickey Mangun.  There was a split session and we got to hear Sis Dillion, a prayer warrior that isn't afraid to shout and run the altars and give God praise and worship.

What took place during this conference was life changing for me.  To put it in simple terms it was like going to a retreat for my soul and mind.  Now what makes this a little more amazing is I wasn't planning on going.  Why?  Because my husband was working out of state and I didn't have anyone to keep my kids and honestly for a conference like this you really should try to be kid free so that you can get all that you can for yourself.  So to go back a bit, I didn't plan on going.  Then, God happened.  He impressed on a friends' heart to keep my kids for me.  I tear up thinking about it because it can be overwhelming to know how good God is to me.  I can see Him in the details.  I will also take this time to give my friend kudos:  THANKS JOSH REID for blessing me so that I could go to Ladies Conference this year.  Also here is a plug in to his blog:  http://smokeeater1982.wordpress.com/  I encourage you to visit his blog and comment.

The theme for the conference was "NOW." Don't wait until later, do it NOW.  Have NOW faith, live for God NOW, give that bible study NOW, pray NOW...and this list can go on.  Sis Dillion said something in the split session that will stay with me forever: 1) Know who you are, 2) Speak what you are, and 3) Know who you serve.  Now, you are probably thinking why this was so profound to me because this is all basic stuff we all know right?  Well, yes, I do know this stuff but at the point in my life that I was in it was hard to see even the simple things that I ought to know.

So now to share what I was going through.  In no way, shape or form, do I take this part lightly.  What I am about to share is something that was very difficult for me, for many reasons.  One of the most important relationship I had with someone was crumbling.  I was broken, broken-hearted, lonely, angry for the wrong reasons, slowly getting emotionally numb to others and to myself, and my prayer life was lacking.  Now I'm sure I left out a few other emotions and whatnots but hopefully you get the point.  The relationship that was crumbling was with my best friend that God gave to me, it was with my husband.  

In this day and age, divorces are the "in" thing to do when trouble arises between a married couple. Now, you can throw in the towel and walk away as if it was just a bad decision you made.  In spite of how I was "feeling"  throwing in the towel wasn't an option for me.  The thought would cross my mind but it would quickly vanish as quick as it came.  My husband and I both came from broken homes.  So we both knew that divorce was not something we wanted.  When you get married, you make a promise not only between you and your spouse but to God.  A vow for better or worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love honour and cherish till death do us part.  I heard someone once say this about marriage, "Some marriages are worse, poorer, and in sickness. But you can't throw your relationship away, you promised."

I said all that to say this, (gotta love cliches), even though my husband and I were not going through the best of times, we are still together.  We are working through it together.  We still love each other.  We still get angry with each other.  God keeps us.  Its up to us to keep God.  No marriage is perfect, but it is possible to become perfect through Christ.  He sustains us, in everything.  Its how we choose to handle/deal with it that can be challenging.  In the midst of my pain and brokenness, there was hope for things to be better.  How do I know?  Well, if I didn't want my husband or care about my promise I made before God, why was I crying about it?  Why was I hurt?  Why did I cry from deep within for help?  Its because deep down, I wanted better, richer, and in health.  I wanted God, I didn't want "me" to get in the way.  I can't control my husband, but I can submit myself and ask for myself to change.  Marriage is not only a commitment to love and have fun, its submission to another person, you become one flesh.  Its no longer about "you" or "me" its about "us". 

I started this particular blog post last year.  I'm only now finishing it and posting  this.  I don't exactly remember what I was going to finish this off with but I have decided to start blogging.  So, hopefully, I can be a blessing to someone.  :)

Until next time, be a blessing to someone.